Dear Miss Ross,
First let me say that we your fans appreciate your time, hard work, and efforts to entertain us with the latest. Now onto my issue! I am a 31 yo openly gay male that lives with my boyfriend of whom ive been with for the last 2 years. Outside of the normal relationship bickering we are in a great place. My problem is 5 months ago while at his families Christmas party, i cheated on him with one of his family members. His sister to be exact! Although I was in a drunken stupor, I know it doesnt excuse my behavior. To make matters worse, his sister is married to a a co worker/ buddy of mine, that i met while in the police academy. The last thing i wanted to do was hurt my boyfriend and good friend so me and the sister swore to keep our mouths closed.

If living with the guilt wasnt enough, an announcement was just given yesterday that she is 5 months pregnant! This situation is full of unforseen drama and is getting stickier by  the day. I want to come clean to both my boyfriend and friend, but the sister is dead against it. I need some advice. How can i come clean and still maintain my friendship and relationship? To complicate things further, the time she was impregnated,is the same time we slept together.. When i addressed to her that i could possible be the father, her response was that even if i were, no gay man would ever raise her baby. I just want to forget any of this has happen, but if the baby turns out to be mine I want a relationship with my kid.

Mr. Officer

See My Advice

“Mr. Officer, Mr. Officer tell your lieutenant take the cuff off ya bruh”

Chile you are in a mess hunty. Ok. Rule number 1, whenever you have a super large problem that appears too large to wrap your brain around, break it down into small manageable pieces. From there attack the pieces in priority order until you have completed the whole.

As I see it, there are three pieces to the puzzle; your relationship, the paternity of the baby, and the co-worker. In priority order I’d rank these issues as follows: 1-paternity, 2-your relationship, 3-the coworker. Go ahead and strike the co-worker off the list. F*ck him, you don’t owe him anything. That is her husband; let her carry the guilt on his behalf.

Honestly, as I see it, the only real problem you have is the paternity of the baby.  In regards to telling your boyfriend about your indiscretion with his sister, as of now, I ABSOLUTELY WOULD NOT SAY ANYTHING. Sometime as a lover and as a friend, it is our duty to protect those we love. In sharing your infidelity with him in an effort to free yourself of guilt, it’s my opinion that you’ll actually be causing more harm.  Think about how this “truth” will affect his family dynamics and the co-workers family dynamics. For right now, KEEP YOUR DAMN MOUTH SHUT.

As it relates to the baby, as soon as it is born, you and the sister need to privately get a DNA test. Don’t worry about her not being willing to cooperate. SHE HAS NO LEVERAGE. Hold over her head the fact that you will be forced to tell her husband, brother, and other family what you two did if she does not cooperate. Trust me, she will budge then. She doesn’t want her husband to find out anymore than you do. Additionally, I know it is ugly to exploit her homophobia, but she doesn’t want to carry the embarrassment of potentially being pregnant by a gay man. For her to say she would never raise a baby with a gay man, but slept with one without protection says a whole lot about her character! That’s an entirely other letter. I’m not going to lie to you, much of what I’m suggesting is strong arming her, but at this point, you hold all the chips. It’s called leverage. You must play the hand you are dealt.

Once the paternity of the baby is determined, one of two permanent solutions needs to be implemented. If the child is not yours, then keep your damn mouth shut and don’t let anything like this happen again. Sometimes its true, what people don’t know wont hurt them.  If the child is yours, then you come clean with EVERYTHING and live life within the confines of the new environment that is created once the dust settles.

If the child is not yours and you continue to feel guilty while keeping this secret, spend some extra time doing good in the community and spend a little time with God.  After a while, you’ll feel redeemed…

Ignorance Is Bliss

Funky Dineva Ross

Got a question for Dineva? Something going on that you just need to share? Need a little clarity? Write in!!! FunkyDineva@FunkyDineva.com Be sure to put “Dear Dineva” in the subject line.

Thoughts?

Watch this video on YouTube.

Pregnancy rumors have been spiraling out of control . Is she pregnant, is she not? Adding fuel to the fire was Beyonce’s recent concert cancellation. Considering the the fact that she has never cancelled a concert in her entire career, this left the masses extremely suspicious. Well it all seemed to be speculation up until now. It seems as if a psuedo official confirmation of Beyonce & Jay-Z being pregnant with a second chile has come in. Catch these T’s

E News posted on their website this afternoon:

Superstar supermom Beyoncé is expecting her second child with hubby Jay-Z, multiple sources exclusively confirm to E! News.

In addition Russel Simmons tweeted a congratulatory message to the couple:

quite naturally the link in Uncle Rush’s tweet leads readers to his global grind website where they are also reported the E News confirmation.

I guess all of y’all that bought them HIGH ASS tickets for the US arm of her tour should be expecting a refund…

Congrats the the Beyonce & Jay-Z

Thoughts?

The closer I become acquainted with “devout Christians” and those who represent leadership in the Christian community, the more I begin to feel like religion truly was created as a mechanism to control the masses. In watching the sneak peak of the pace sisters on fix my life, one sister said she doesn’t like how all the other sisters go to the movies, she doesn’t agree with it, and how she was taught the going to the movies was sin. Hmmmm but you watch tv…

The same things that play on the big screen plays on television. Does this make any kind of sense to anyone? Yet, the pace sisters are viewed as pillars in in the Christian community?

Someone who believes and further perpetuates a trivial act like going to the movies is a sin, solely because that’s what they were taught, couldn’t lead me to the mailbox.  OKAY ! They couldn’t even tell me the time!  At what point do you challenge some of these nonsensical doctrines and guidelines that have been transferred from generation to generation  and perpetuated by ignorance?

It seems as if there is no systems of checks and balances within Christianity for some Christians. The best Christian is the Christian that does not think or challenge anything. Mind you, many traditions, particularly within the African American community were started and passed on by uneducated, illiterate, disenfranchised slaves and former slaves. Back then people did the best they could with what limited information and understanding they had. In 2013 however, WE JUST FLAT OUT KNOW BETTER. Yet many of us voluntarily surrender our ability to exercise our free will to think critically in the name of salvation. Sounds very GODLY to me. Not sure about you, but the Gawd I pray to doesn’t feel honored or get any kind of glory out of me being blind, dumb, or stupid!

Watch this video on YouTube.

Watch this video on YouTube.

Fix My Life Airs Sunday’s at 8pm on OWN

What are your thoughts on this?

“When you don’t show up as who you really are, people fall in love with what you’re not.” We have never really known Kelly Rowland until NOW! Kelly’s decade long masquerading, reinventing, and deceiving have directly lead to the mediocre success solo endeavors has spawned.  After Listening to ‘Dirty Laundry’, I’ve got a felling that we are now and forever about to experience the real Kelly Rowland.

I was so sick and tired of Kelly & Michelle not giving authentic answers in interviews when asked how they felt about Beyonce’s success. We all know that loosely translated, the question meant, “how do you feel about Beyonce’s solo success in relation to yours.” Kelly & Michelle would always give some pre-packaged answer like, “I’m am very happy for my sister. We are all strong secure women, yata yata yata.” Bullsh*t. Envy is a natural emotion. If any member of Destiny’s Child 1,2, and 3 didn’t feel some type of way about Beyonce’s mega success, they are not human. For a group of young women to start out from the bottom TOGETHER, and one out of the pack to matriculate into an icon, it is only human and expected for there to be some sour feelings.

Not hiding in the shadows of Beyonce, but blinded by the shadow of Kelly’s misery and lies lied the root of her mediocre success. Kelly Rowland finally gets it right! ‘Dirty Laundry’ is so much more than a single; it’s a rebirth, a shedding of dead weight. You go girl! Welcome to the world Kelly Rowland. Your time has come!

LISTEN

“When my sister was on stage killin’ it like a motherfucker
I was enraged, feelin’ it like a motherfucker
Bird in a cage
You would never know what I was dealin’ with
Went our separate ways but I was happy she was killin’ it
Bittersweet
She was up, I was down
No lie, I feel good for her but what do I do now?“

What Do You Think?

Y’all are going to get enough of touching y’all s faces. Running around here feeling bad about yourself because you don’t look like Beyonce or Kim Kardashian. Quiet as its kept, they don’t look like themselves either. Anyway, let me introduce to you to Lil Kim’s aunt Hang Mioku. Hang is/was a Korean Model/Singer who has done irreversible damage to her face by injecting herself with cooking oil. Hang became addicted to plastic surgery, and when doctors told her “no more’, she took matters into her own hands.

A former Korean model addicted to plastic surgery injected cooking oil into her face when doctors refused to perform any more cosmetic operations on her.

Hang Mioku, now about 50 years old, has been left with a badly disfigured face following her desperate attempt to attain softer and smoother skin.

Mioku had her first plastic surgery when she was 28 years old, and soon became obsessed. She moved to Japan to pursue her career and underwent several more bouts of surgery, Mail Online reports.

However, after undergoing repeated operations to enhance her looks, doctors refused to provide her with any more silicone injections when her face became noticeably enlarged.

A desperate Mioku then injected an entire bottle of black market silicone into her face and finally decided to inject cooking oil, leaving her cheeks and forehead severely swollen and scarred.

Following the do-it-yourself beauty treatment, Mioku was left so disfigured that her own parents could not recognize her. When doctors analysed her, it was confirmed she was suffering from a psychological disorder. ~ International Business Times

Watch this video on YouTube.

Lil Kim, leave your face alone while you are ahead mama! Glad Vivica Fox already heeded the warning.

Thoughts?

Dear Dineva,

I have been with my husband for over 7 years. We have two beautiful children. To get straight to the point. My husband can’t seem to be satisfied with just me. He states he has never had intercourse with other women but yet he texts pictures and videos of his genital area to women. I have caught him twice doing this. I keep forgiving him due to the fact that I have two children. I refuse to have sex with him until he goes and get a tested. I want to move on but I am afraid that he want let me. He has once told me that if he can’t have me no one would. We got into this huge argument and he threw a motorcycle helmet at my face, kicked a hole in the wall, and broke the new dresser. Here is the gag.. He is not working. I am working paying all of his bills my bills and our bills… Taking care of the kids and the home. He is a great father don’t get me wrong but I often question what type of example am I setting for my daughter by staying with some one who doesn’t appreciate a woman like me. And what type of man will my son become watching his dad. I want to divorce him but  yet in my heart I still love him. I don’t know what to do….. I know for a fact that there is no trust left.. Any advise…

Signed A CONFUSED SCORNED WOMAN…..

See My Advice,

Confused Scorned Woman,

I want you to go get 3 of your brothers or cousins; preferably 3 that are not on probation. Have them come over to your house and whoop his ass! Lol I’m just playing!! DON NOT DO THAT. Chile, I don’t even know why you wrote in with this right here! You already know what most of the answers are. You answered half of your own questions in your letter.

First and foremost your safety and sanity come first. A motorcycle helmet? Really?  Got any grits?

We see situations like this all the time. Don’t allow that “great father” nonsense to be the link that binds you to someone that is abusive. He can be a great father from up the street. He does not have to be under the same roof to be a great father.

You are not a stupid woman. No married man sends nude pictures of himself to other women without intentions on f*cking them. Whether he is sleeping with other women or not, quite frankly is irrelevant, the intent is there.  Just so you know, he is sleeping with other women.  You know he is!  You say you refuse to have sex with him until he goes and gets tested. Has he gotten tested yet? Probably not. Trust, if he is not getting it from YOU, he is getting it from SOMEWHERE. Again, you know this…

You have 2 children, he’s not working, and you are paying all the bills, really? I think something may be a little off with your math. You actually have 3 children. I cant speak to how well he is with the kids, but he can’t be that great of a father if he isn’t working and providing for them, sorry. I challenge you to stop referring to him as a great father. My fear is that you have actually convinced yourself to believe that in an attempt to find some good in this situation. What you are witnessing is another child playing with children, not fatherhood. Also, please don’t think you are doing your children a service by staying in a bad relationship for the sake of them having two parents in the household. They will come to lose respect for you and possibly resent you in the future.

I’m not going to waist anymore time dissecting this brother. You know he’s no good, you know you are setting a bad example for your children, you know you deserve better.  You are a smart woman who is actually in fear of the unknown and is probably a little scared for her safety. Betty Wright said, “having a piece of man is better than having no man at all.” Chile, It’s a new day! You can do bad by yourself. Luckily, you are already doing it all by yourself, so the transition should not be that difficult.  You are actually much better off than some of those women who want to leave but have no job, money, or employable skills.

You need to end this relationship, but I want you to be smart and strategic about it. Based on your husband’s volatile and violent behavior, this situation has got to be handle with care. First off plan your escape.  I want you to go down to the police station and just speak with someone as it relates to your husbands behavior. Give them examples of his past behavior. Share with them your plans for separation and see what resources they can offer to. If they can’t help you directly, I am more than positive that they can point you in the direction of the people that can. I

Once you speak with someone who can better help you lay out an exit plan and you actually implement the plan, you will be ok!  (1)Make-up in your mind that this has got to end, (2) seek assistants from police/domestic abuse counselor, (3) implement the plan, (4) live happily ever after!

Hope This Helps,

Funky Dineva Ross

Ohh, once you end it and the dust settles, then call your 3 brothers of cousins over there to whoop his ass! lol

Got a question for Dineva? Something going on that you just need to share? Need a little clarity? Write in!!! FunkyDineva@FunkyDineva.com Be sure to put “Dear Dineva” in the subject line.

Thoughts?