I just wanted to let you guys know that your prayers for the Tucker family really worked. I was shocked to find out last night that today is Todd’s official first day back at work. No tea no shade, I was expecting him to take a month off. I’ve got a few things that I’m working on in conjunction with Todd. I was on a call last night with another member of one of the projects when they said to me “ok, well I just wanted to get your input, we’ll be presenting these to Todd tomorrow.” Chile you would have thought I seen a damn ghost. I was particularly shocked because I dropped the ball on a large portion of my responsibility because I wasn’t expecting to see Todd for another 2-3 weeks. Quiet as it kept, my eyes are burning now because I had to stay up overnight and get my sh!t together. Non the less, I’m here, I’m ready, and so is Todd. YAY!!!!!!
Welcome back Todd
Since this is the first installment to Instagram Socialites Exposed, it only made since that I started out where I was born and raised, Miami, FL. Evelyn Lozada must have left behind her handbook, “How To Hook and Ho”, because the Instragram Socialites from Miami are giving you hoes da bizness, with no verifiable source of income.
Let me introduce y’all to Lil Tokyo (somebody please tell me this girls real name). This girl’s Instagram page reads like a spread out of Elle Magazine. Her Instagram page could totally serve as the look book for The Devil Wears Prada part 2. All jokes aside, Lil Mama is BAD. I was first introduced to Lil Tokyo when a friend of mine called me all excited urging me to check out this young girl’s Instagram who supposedly had all the fashions. I was instantly enamored with the amount of style and fashion sense this young lady had to be so young. As months progressed, and the more Chanel flashed across my timeline, my admiration turned into curiosity. Frankly put, “how the hell this b!tch buying all this shit?”
Here’s what we know – According to Instagram
- Has every Louboutin shoe and Chanel bag known to man
– Has 1 child (a boy). Is a very active and involved mother
- Often seen being transported in A Bentley or Rolls Royce
- Lives in a very lavish Miami condo
- Mama still lives in the hood
- Not publicly linked to any man
- Has celebrity friends including Floyd Mayweather and Toya Carter
Do you have any confidential tea that you would like to spill on an Instagram Socialite? Would you like to nominate an instagram socialite for further investigation? Email me at FunkyDineva@FunkyDineva.com . Be sure to put “Instagram Socialite” in the subject box.
Read the rest of the Tea and check out more pictures of Lil Tokyo below
I swear these gastric bypass procedures need to come with a complementary lipo suction of the face and head. What good is having a fierce new body and your head looks like a got damn blow pop? All jokes aside, I am proud of EJ Johnson for taking the steps necessary to live a longer healthier life. However, I liked him better when he looked like big bird in Balenciaga. Expect EJ’s fashion game to be all f&cked up until his brain can get in sync with his new body. Big ass feet, a big ass head, little legs, a broad back, chile its going to take him some time to figure out how to drape all that in the right designer fashions to look fierce again. That’s alright, I’ll be right here cheering my sister on until she gets it right. Damn I do miss when she looked like Andre Leon Tally’s twin sister th0ugh.
EJ underwent gastric bypass surgery this past August. I wonder if he would let me have some of his old shawls? Mama could use a new bedspread.
Yes Gawd Hunty! I know all the Florida boosters were happy as hell that there number one client was in town this past weekend. I’m sure there are a whole bunch of rich old ladies with some major discrepancies on their credit card statements after Marlo’s team cleared out Bal Harbor. Baby they said Marlo had on ALL THE FASHIONS this past weekend as she tootsie rolled around at Art Basel 2014. I know somebody’s baby is about to have a real nice Christmas after Marlo got through buying these stunted fashions out the trunk of a car at a gas station somewhere in Liberty City. Quiet as its kept, I ain’t mad with Marlo. I wish I could find me a quality booster to sell me hot merchandise for half off the ticket price. The only connect I got right now is a gift card man, and half the time, all he has is Wal- Mart gift cards.
Marlo, I know you in Florida probably riding around with a garbage bag full of clothes with the tags on them. I remember my old Florida grab bag days. Grab bag is when you just buy a garbage bag full of clothes from the booster that you have no intentions on wearing. The plan is to take the stuff back to the mall with no receipt, get a store credit, and buy what you really want. Marlo, let me get half of that garbage bag. Bitch I want Chanel for Christmas too.
Y’all get into some of Marlo’s other stunted couture. Continue reading
You know, Mama Joyce, “you ain’t as saved as you say you is!!!” Nessa Girl, I’ve been trying my hardest not to go in and let have on Mama Joyce. I will be the first person to say I have turned all kinds of blind eyes to Mama Joyce and her shenanigans. For obvious reasons, I will never let Mama Joyce have it too bad, not to mention, she really is a very sweet lady. I have been in the company of Mama Joyce plenty of times, and she is just a pleasant to be around as she wants to be. However, pleasant and sweet would have gone completely out the window when I pulled up to my house and couldn’t use the damn bathroom.
Last night I was watching the Real Housewives of Atlanta thinking to myself, “Mama Joyce done tore up Kandi’s marriage, now she done tore up Kandi’s house.” What in the hell kind of renovations was Benny round there doing? No tea no shade, don’t nothing about Benny’s ass say “Mr. Fix it.” Benny looks like all types of old, educated, corporate tease. We all know Mama Joyce has a sh!t load of money sitting in an account somewhere. What she should have done from the start was hire a contractor to handle the renovations. She damn sure should have hired a contractor to put Kandi’s house back together before she moved into the new one. Old Mother Hubbard left Kandi’s house looking like Humpty Dumpty, BROKEN. Continue reading
Nessa Girl, let me just dive on in. Last night’s episode of RHOA moved me to chorus. I don’t know what the hell is wrong with Nene, but she needs to quit. I’m so over this drama between her and Cynthia. My issue is, Nene keeps screaming that Cynthia isn’t this innocent person that we think she is, but Nene has yet to spit out one single solitary fact as to what makes Cynthia “not so innocent.” Mad much? Then to top it off, when Cynthia was pretty much backing Nene’s ass up in a corner by stating the facts of the situation in chronological order, Nene did what Nene does best. She started getting loud, over-talking Cynthia, and blurting out unfounded vague statements. What the hell does “Cynthia don’t sit up there and act like some innocent person” mean? What does it mean Nene. Tell us what the hell you are talking about.
I feel kind of bad for Cynthia and the beating that she is taking in the court of public opinion. She’s dammed if she does and damned if she doesn’t. For years, the public has gone in on Cynthia, calling her Nene’s puppet, and wishing she would get a backbone. Now that Cynthia has gotten a back bone, and given you indecisive viewers what you’ve been asking for, you bitches can’t take it. Make up your damn minds. Do you want her to be a puppet, or do you want her to have a spine? I’m sorry, I look at the way Nene treats the other ladies and what she thinks of herself in comparison to them, and I wouldn’t want to half be friends with her either. Who the hell wants to be close friends with someone who quite frankly feels like they are better than them? Nene feels like she is so accomplished, and so revered, and like everyone owes her something. Child cheese. If I was Cynthia, or any of the other ladies for that matter, I’d tell Nene’s ass to go kick rocks ON BROADWAY. Continue reading