***photo used for illustration purposes only***
I need some advice and clarity about something that’s been bothering for a long time. I have a 3 year old son with a man who has a 9 year old son. This is my only child by the way. But ever since I’ve been involved with my sons father I’ve attended family gatherings in which his sons mother and her other children are there also. It’s beginning to kind of making me feel uncomfortable to the point I’ve completely withdrawn myself from his family and attending any events. And when I say every family event I mean thanksgiving, Christmas, mothers and Father’s Day smdh…my partner basically don’t care about her being there but clearly it’s confusing..it’s to the point now I have called off our engagement because it’s no reason for his sons mother to keep lagging around the way she is doing..I don’t want to be in the same room as her I see no reason to converse with I don’t know how to go about this situation really because no I feel insecure about it it makes me think the two still have something going on in which he say they haven’t been together since their son was 1..it sucks because I will never have a healthy relationship with his family and I feel as though my child shouldn’t be around her or be involved in my child’s life…I don’t go to the events but I allow my child to go to be with her family but yet his son is there it’s crazy to me…
My Doc gave me Something I did Not ask for !! When I had my daughter I found out that my doctor* Sutured *my “Pocketbook” more than she should have! When I noticed that something was wrong,I went to her and she told me “It was a gift” that “Many women pay to have this done!” I said” But I didn’t ask you to do that!!” I didn’t report her because someone explained to me that I had *No proof of the conversation.* So now it’s sooo Painful when I do get into *Something*that I don’t want to do anything!! I may have to join the*little D*s*Club***I was very active before this and Now I’m a walking Bitch!! Do you think I should get professional help?? How do I ?I feel as if Noooooo one would even believe this shit~so I’m just Sexless###Margie[my Pum pum] is lonely~what do you think?
I recently started sleeping w my ex
We grew up together, shared many firsts… First slow dance, first kiss, first sex exp, he was my first love. When I was 21 we had a child. After our child was born I found out that he had gotten another girl pregnant and the our children were only a few weeks apart. A few years later he had another child from a different girl. So thats 3 kids and 3 mothers ( including me) in a span of about 3 years.
He lied to everyone. At times he denied the children including mine to fit his purpose at any given time. It was an embarrassing time. It was a blow to my self esteem to my life. We broke up and for years we were estranged. For years he didn’t see my child and I had little communication w him or his family.
Over the years things got better we were able to be cordial and he gradually repaired the relationship w me and we both moved on. Since then we both married and continued to co parent our child. My husband and his wife have been very supportive of us keeping the lines of communication open. Both step parents treat my child as their own. However he has not been able to sustain a relationship w the other children’s mothers, I have always believed that they were bitter that he married someone else and kept it moving. Out of the 3 I seemed to be the only one who had moved pass the drama of the love “quad”. Because of the fact that I moved on and we weren’t pursuing each other romantically we were successfully able to maintain a friendship. And our spouses were both comfortable w our relationship.
Now fast forward 20 years… Now that our child is in college you would think that our co parenting needs would be minimal which they are, however his text messages and phone calls began to increase. We went from talking and texting every other month or so to daily.
Occasional lunches, became weekly lunches and dinners.
Everything seems so easy with him.
I have always loved him and I have known him all of my life. Because of that falling back into this groove with him was inevitable. I love the man that he has become. A few weeks ago we consummated our relationship. It was everything. I haven’t been with anyone since my husband of 14 years and I haven’t been with him in almost 20 years.
The problem is I don’t feel guilty about this situation. If this ever gets out it would ruin both families. His wife goes out of her way to be kind to me. She sends me text messages and emails all of the time. I own a small business and she supports me and often sends me referrals. She or my husband would never suspect in a million years that he and I would have ever hooked up
Why don’t I feel guilty? I don’t want a relationship w my ex beyond what we have. But what we have could ruin my life. Help?!!!
I have known my fiance for all of 5 years now. At the time i was still involved with my daughters father. Even though I was involved at the time, from the time I met my fiance i knew that would be my husband. My daughters father and I dated on and off for the past 13 years but my dilemna is that i truly am ia strong believer in Karma. While with my kids father I never really loved him the way you should love your partner. I cheated on him numerous times and always planned a way to leave him. Now our relationship was never perfect. He would disrespect me by flirting and touching other girls in front of me. Mental and Physical was an understatement. It got to the point where i had to hide from my family until the bruises healed. He would call me bitches and whores and tell me i would never amount to anything but be a babies mama. I went through numerous females calling me while i was pregnant telling me that they were with him and sending me pictures of them together. I also got sick and tired of friends calling me telling me that he was here and there with other females doing things just friends should not do.
After a while i became so over it i felt well i have top get myself together because i am a terrible mother to my daughter by allowing this to go on. I met someone who I began to sleep with on occasion. He knew the situation and would help me out with money and helped me find a place to live. I finally got my own mind and began going out again, networking and meeting people along the way. I went back top school, got my degree and bounced on dat ass. Now all the while i still kept in contact with my fiance. After a two year stretch i was finally abled to leave my daughters father.Now 5 years later my fiance and I live together with our two children, his son and my daughter. I am happy but in the back of my mind i feel that things will not work because i cheated on my kids father and i know what goes around comes around. I would be devastated in my fiance cheated on me. Do i just keep faith or stay in the mind frame that the inevitable will happen? I keep trying to rewind myself i didn’t love my daughters father and i don’t feel what we had was even a relationship but at the end of the day i was still there and that makes it wrong. Am i crazy for feeling this way?
See My Advice
I’m 25 and have been with my boyfriend since high school. We have two kids together. He doesn’t have a job. It’s hard for him to find a job because he is a felon and high school drop out. I have accepted the fact that he is broke but still love him anyway! When I was pregnant with the first child 6 years ago I told him that he didn’t have to do anything as far as bills are concerned. Just be there for the baby! My father wasn’t there for me when I was growing up and I want my kids to have a relationship with him! I worked and paid all the bills and took care of him as well. We did start a business together with my money and my name but we hold the household down with my income from work. Everything was fine until I found out he cheated! He admitted to cheating. I forgave him and we continued the relationship. Then later I found out he had a baby on me with a different woman. I was devastated and angry to say the least. He told me he didn’t want that
baby and it was a mistake. He claims the mom pushes the baby off on him and he doesn’t want to be bothered with either of them, lol I told him I wouldn’t continue to provide for him if he is a part of that child’s life. Its not fair to me and my kids if he takes time and or money away from us and spends it with the other baby. He is barely home as it is now. I spoke with the mother and she said that she would take care of the baby alone! I did tell her when we spoke that the baby was not welcome at my home. That my boyfriend knows he can’t bring the baby to my house. One day she called and he wanted to take the baby some medicine. I was very upset! I texted her and said he wanted a blood test. That’s what he told me so I let her know. I’m not about to have my man out here providing for a baby thats not his and he is not doing anything for the kids we have together. The test came back saying he is the father. Now she has him on child support but I
thought she said he would take care of the baby alone? I have my own house, pay all my bills, and take care of my kids without his help so why can’t she do the same? I feel like I’m a better woman than her because I don’t depend on him for anything even though we are in a relationship and live together.
So he went to jail for a few months and I was there for him the whole time. He begged me to get pregnant and promised to do right once he was released. I let him know about everything that he wasn’t doing around the house and said he would work on it and change because he loves me. I’m the only one who has been there for him all this time. He promised we would be a family and that he wouldn’t contact her or that baby ever again!! I got pregnant soon after his release.
Everything was fine but I would listen in to the voicemails she leaves him on his phone. If its not her it’s other girls I’m finding out about but he assures me that it’s nothing and that he loves me and my kids only! I dont always believe him but I want to have a family. I want him in the household with our kids ONLY! All my friends and family know us as a couple. He does not bring any outside kids around and most of them don’t know anything about that baby. He kept telling me that he was going to sign over his rights and get rid of them for good. I was very happy about that. So the day of court came and I asked him what happened. He said nothing. I asked if he signed over his rights he said no. I was furious because he promised he would! I decided to write the mother an emial telling her everything. I wanted that b!!@@ to know how I felt. I told her about the settlement money that he got from an accident. He didn’t tell her anything about it and
didn’t give her any money for her baby! It was thousands of dollars but he put money in my new house because he loves ME and doesn’t care about her or that baby. That’s because he does not want that baby but she don’t get it. He is never there for the baby on holidays and doesn’t spend any time with the baby. He is there for my kids becuase he wanted them and we planned the second baby while he was in jail. So I let her know he will be there for my new baby and my oldest child but not hers because they are unwanted. hahaha I let that lady have it!
Later on in my pregnancy I find out that he is still sleeping with her. He denies it but I don’t believe it. I want to have failh in him but it’s hard. Fast foward to after I had the second baby a few months ago. He wanted money to take care of some things but something told me to listen to his voicemail before giving him the money! She was on there going on and on about being pregnant. He wanted her to have an abortion which she should have done! Now she is expecting a baby but he said it’s not his. She mentioned something about some other girls being pregnant too. He said she is crazy and made that up. I have since heard rumors that he has a son that was born one week after my daughter by a different chick! I don’t know what to do at this point. I LOVE him with all my heart and have no plans to leave but I want him to be right for me and my kids. I do everything right as a girlfriend. I give him money knowing he wont pay it back, I buy cars he
likes to drive, got the house, pay all the bills, help him avoid paying that B@#*& child support, I’m always there for him. What more could he want?
I really want to know why can’t she and these other chicks just leave us alone and let us be a family? He does not want those other kids. He has told me many times he only wants the OUR kids together and he shows it!
Loving my man and family!
I was introduced to a Jamaican man yrs older than me by my mom who felt i needed to start dating again after my 1st childs father was locked up and I was by myself for a year.We started dating he moved in and he started helping me take care of my son like he was his own, this man was always very sneeky about his life, I never meet his friends and he would stay out late and come in as he pleased I never complained. He kept begging me for a baby because his daughter was in his country and he wanted more here, I refused and did not carry out 2 of the pregnancies that he broke condoms and threw away my birth control being sneaky to force me to have one and I suspected he was an illegal immigrant, his papers looked faked and his Id that id seen him use several times was on the 10 oclock action news and in newspapers sayin how the mun muns=foriegners are using it and its fraud.
He one day got in my bed reeking of another woman his privates smelled of a sour woman and I immediatly put him out my bed after that I put him out,thats when all the mess hit the Fan Dineva he was angry and had a root worked on me I keep noticing some of my items missing like Id’s birth certificate underwear and he loved to take pictures of me all I now suspect were for the voodoo man to work with, I will not describe all that I’ve dealt with but I know he worked a root on me, things went downhill for me after that I ended up pregnant again by him and this time had the baby he was so excited but we didnt live together nor did I know his address he just visited on the regular. I didnt want for anything for our baby but mind you the only person I ever knew from him was his mother who I thought I had a good relationship with,we used to talk alot on the phone and I meet her once.
I told him I didnt want to be with him again as the root was still effecting me and I knew what he did he then he started saying I would have another child by him and he started making circles in my floor and before that I saw him doing things to my panties to but i ignored it I didnt know he was workin roots, after seeing him do that I instantly rebuked him in Jesus’ name and put him out on the other side of the door and holy oiled my place down in Jesus’ name,but 11mos after having my son I then had another baby a girl with him after about a year of sending money for both children, he went to buy a loaf of bread on us Dineva,meaning he never came back, I lost touch and havent heard from him or dealt with him since no money telegrams for the kids nothing,and he still got a root goin against me to keep me oppressed and away and on my family Ive lost my mother,my own business is suffering, my job,Im not a flashy dresser anymore gained a lil weight and Ive been celibate since him and that was in ’07 and me and my kids have been struggling *tears*.
I recently went through my things having just moved and found his mothers phone number and called it after 3 years of not seeing him she wasnt home, her new husband answered I acted like a family friend and asked about them only to find he has 2 kids close to my kids ages that he brings by for his mom to see regularly (mines never meet her) I said ok ill call back .I called back a week later and not knowing what her husband told me she a supposed “righteous woman” claimed to not have seen him for a year and hadn’t heard from him I told her I thought it was foul that he begged me and worked a root for me to have kids and dissapear like that she stuck to her lie, didnt ask about her own Grandchildren or nothing like she didnt want me to disturb his new life,this nigga is MIA and I have no clue where he is that damn mun mun(foriegner) used me the whole 5 years we lived together I knew nothing about his rl life and come to find he was married and him and his Jamaican wife seperated to save money and buy a house,he with a new woman now and taking care of them babies and mines left with no support child support cant find this mun mun to save my day.
I was wondering should I find out the mothers address by her phone number and have child support go from there if they can ,can they ?I just want to know how do I move on without feeling rejected and lost and explain to my children they have no father they are young and I know he still got a root on me how do I find peace I been down to the church house trying to get this thing lifted but every church I went to too busy begging for money they tell you make a 100 dollar line to give a 50 dollar line and so on no peace in that Dineva smh? My kids remember him young as they are how do comfort them and move on btw I dont believe in roots I stay prayed up but ik somebody trying something …love you btw