DEAR DINEVA: I Know My BF’s Phone Login And Tracks His Phone On Find My Iphone. Is That Wrong?

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Dear Dineva,

I have been in a relationship for about 13 months now. Im with a good guy I love him very much. We even knew each other for years prior to starting a relationship. But once we first started dating things went pretty sour. He started changing and acting different because his so-called “friends” had sh*t to say about him being with me. He at a point even denied he was my boyfriend but all in my ear telling me we were together. Mind you, he wanted me to be his senior prom date, although I have been out of highschool for about almost 3 years now. I had already put payments down for my dress and other accessories. Once I had did that the problems started coming and he started acting very funny. He even broke up with me because of those so called friends of his and he said he didnt want to be with me anymore when i knew in his heart he wanted to be with me, and said we could be friends. But i said to myself “child i will not chase you because i am not the police”, i had to still go on the prom because i could not get my money back for the deposits i had made. After the breakup the only contact we made with each other was strictly prom related. But i also noticed he started crawling back after he realized i wanted nothing to do with him. He wanted me to chill with him and come over and all those sweet nothings. I even asked what was up with that and asked what he really wanted because of this new sudden flirting but, all he says is “we are just friends” when he wasn’t even talking to any new girls. So once prom was over that night we got back together after he admitted he still wanted to be with me, he even started ignoring his so called friends and started to follow his heart. And things between us have been going great since then.

But sometimes in the back of my mind i still wonder how much i can fully trust him only because of the serious shade that has been thrown my way previously in our relationship in the beginning. I know he wont start talking to another girl or mess with her or anything like that, but i just sometimes wonder if he’ll throw the shade again and not be around me as much and hang with his friends. Everytime i ask where he is and he tells me i open find my iphone just to make sure he is telling the truth. He gets so upset and emotional and thinks i cant trust him. The thing is i do trust him, but what he did to me before hurt so bad it still hurts to think about it, and it makes me think things i shouldnt. So am i wrong for always tracking his phone to make sure he is at where he really says he is at even though i fully trust him ? Or should i just stop allowing myself to let past events make me think i’ll have future problems that’ll never really happen ?

Thank You Dineva,

Dom

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DEAR DINEVA: My Boyfriend’s Baby Mama Still Comes To Family Events. I Want Her Gone!

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***photo used for illustration purposes only***

Dear Dineva,

I need some advice and clarity about something that’s been bothering for a long time. I have a 3 year old son with a man who has a 9 year old son. This is my only child by the way. But ever since I’ve been involved with my sons father I’ve attended family gatherings in which his sons mother and her other children are there also. It’s beginning to kind of making me feel uncomfortable to the point I’ve completely withdrawn myself from his family and attending any events. And when I say every family event I mean thanksgiving, Christmas, mothers and Father’s Day smdh…my partner basically don’t care about her being there but clearly it’s confusing..it’s to the point now I have called off our engagement because it’s no reason for his sons mother to keep lagging around the way she is doing..I don’t want to be in the same room as her I see no reason to converse with I don’t know how to go about this situation really because no I feel insecure about it it makes me think the two still have something going on in which he say they haven’t been together since their son was 1..it sucks because I will never have a healthy relationship with his family and I feel as though my child shouldn’t be around her or be involved in my child’s life…I don’t go to the events but I allow my child to go to be with her family but yet his son is there it’s crazy to me…

Confused Girlfriend

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DEAR DINEVA: After Childbirth, My Doc Sewed My Cooch Up So Tight I Can’t Have Good Sex. What Should I Do?

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Dear Dineva,

My Doc gave me Something I did Not ask for !! When I had my daughter I found out that my doctor* Sutured *my “Pocketbook” more than she should have! When I noticed that something was wrong,I went to her and she told me “It was a gift” that “Many women pay to have this done!” I said” But I didn’t ask you to do that!!” I didn’t report her because someone explained to me that I had *No proof of the conversation.* So now it’s sooo Painful when I do get into *Something*that I don’t want to do anything!! I may have to join the*little D*s*Club***I was very active before this and Now I’m a walking Bitch!! Do you think I should get professional help?? How do I ?I feel as if Noooooo one would even believe this shit~so I’m just Sexless###Margie[my Pum pum] is lonely~what do you think?

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DEAR DINEVA: I Am Happily Married But Recently Slept With Ex of 20 Years. I Still Love Him

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I recently started sleeping w my ex

We grew up together, shared many firsts… First slow dance, first kiss, first sex exp, he was my first love.  When I was 21 we had a child. After our child was born I found out that he had gotten another girl pregnant and the our children were only a few weeks apart. A few years later he had another child from a different girl. So thats 3 kids and 3 mothers ( including me) in a span of about 3 years.

He lied to everyone.  At times he denied the children including mine to fit his purpose at any given time. It was an embarrassing time.  It was a blow to my self esteem to my life. We broke up and for years we were estranged. For years he didn’t see my child and I had little communication w him or his family.

Over the years things got better we were able to be cordial and he gradually repaired the relationship w me and we both moved on. Since then we both married and continued to co parent our child. My husband and his wife have been very supportive of us keeping the lines of communication open. Both step parents treat my child as their own. However he has not been able to sustain a relationship w the other children’s mothers, I have always believed that they were bitter that he married someone else and kept it moving. Out of the 3 I seemed to be the only one who had moved pass the drama of the love “quad”.  Because of the fact that I moved on and we weren’t pursuing each other romantically we were successfully able to maintain a friendship. And our spouses were both comfortable w our relationship.

Now fast forward 20 years…  Now that our child is in college you would think that our co parenting needs would be minimal which they are, however his text messages and phone calls began to increase. We went from talking and texting every other month or so to daily.
Occasional lunches, became weekly lunches and dinners.
Everything seems so easy with him.
I have always loved him and I have known him all of my life.   Because of that falling back into this groove with him was inevitable. I love the man that he has become. A few weeks ago we consummated our relationship. It was everything. I haven’t been with anyone since my husband of 14 years and I haven’t been with him in almost 20 years.

The problem is I don’t feel guilty about this situation. If this ever gets out it would ruin both families. His wife goes out of her way to be kind to me. She sends me text messages and emails all of the time. I own a small business and she supports me and often sends me referrals. She or my husband would never suspect in a million years that he and I would have ever hooked up

Why don’t I feel guilty?  I don’t want a relationship w my ex beyond what we have. But what we have could ruin my life. Help?!!!

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Dear Dineva: I Cheated On My Kids Father With Current Fiance. Will Lose Fiance’ The Same Way I Got Him?

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Dear Dineva,

I have known my fiance for all of 5 years now.  At the time i was still involved with my daughters father. Even though I was involved at the time, from the time I met my fiance i knew that would be my husband. My daughters father and I dated on and off for the past 13 years but my dilemna is that i truly am ia strong believer in Karma. While with my kids father I never really loved him the way you should love your partner. I cheated on him numerous times and always planned a way to leave him. Now our relationship was never perfect. He would disrespect me by flirting and touching other girls in front of me. Mental and Physical was an understatement. It got to the point where i had to hide from my family until the bruises healed. He would call me bitches and whores and tell me i would never amount to anything but be a babies mama. I went through numerous females calling me while i was pregnant telling me that they were with him and sending me pictures of them together. I also got sick and tired of friends calling me telling me that he was here and there with other females doing things just friends should not do.

After a while i became so over it i felt well i have top get myself together because i am a terrible mother to my daughter by allowing this to go on. I met someone who I began to sleep with on occasion. He knew the situation and would help me out with money and helped me find a place to live. I finally got my own mind and began going out again, networking and meeting people along the way. I went back top school, got my degree and bounced on dat ass. Now all the while i still kept in contact with my fiance. After a two year stretch i was finally abled to leave my daughters father.Now 5 years later my fiance and I live together with our two children, his son and my daughter. I am happy but in the back of my mind i feel that things will not work because i cheated on my kids father and i know what goes around comes around. I would be devastated in my fiance cheated on me. Do i just keep faith or stay in the mind frame that the inevitable will happen? I keep trying to rewind myself i didn’t love my daughters father and i don’t feel what we had was even a relationship but at the end of the day i was still there and that makes it wrong. Am i crazy for feeling this way?

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Dear Dineva: I pay all the bills while my man cheats, but I love Him? Why Wont the OTHER girls leave my family alone?

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Dear Dineva,

I’m 25 and have been with my boyfriend since high school. We have two kids together. He doesn’t have a job. It’s hard for him to find a job because he is a felon and high school drop out. I have accepted the fact that he is broke but still love him anyway! When I was pregnant with the first child 6 years ago I told him that he didn’t have to do anything as far as bills are concerned. Just be there for the baby! My father wasn’t there for me when I was growing up and I want my kids to have a relationship with him! I worked and paid all the bills and took care of him as well. We did start a business together with my money and my name but we hold the household down with my income from work. Everything was fine until I found out he cheated! He admitted to cheating. I forgave him and we continued the relationship. Then later I found out he had a baby on me with a different woman. I was devastated and angry to say the least. He told me he didn’t want that
baby and it was a mistake. He claims the mom pushes the baby off on him and he doesn’t want to be bothered with either of them, lol I told him I wouldn’t continue to provide for him if he is a part of that child’s life. Its not fair to me and my kids if he takes time and or money away from us and spends it with the other baby. He is barely home as it is now. I spoke with the mother and she said that she would take care of the baby alone! I did tell her when we spoke that the baby was not welcome at my home. That my boyfriend knows he can’t bring the baby to my house. One day she called and he wanted to take the baby some medicine. I was very upset! I texted her and said he wanted a blood test. That’s what he told me so I let her know. I’m not about to have my man out here providing for a baby thats not his and he is not doing anything for the kids we have together. The test came back saying he is the father. Now she has him on child support but I
thought she said he would take care of the baby alone? I have my own house, pay all my bills, and take care of my kids without his help so why can’t she do the same? I feel like I’m a better woman than her because I don’t depend on him for anything even though we are in a relationship and live together.

So he went to jail for a few months and I was there for him the whole time. He begged me to get pregnant and promised to do right once he was released. I let him know about everything that he wasn’t doing around the house and said he would work on it and change because he loves me. I’m the only one who has been there for him all this time. He promised we would be a family and that he wouldn’t contact her or that baby ever again!! I got pregnant soon after his release.

Everything was fine but I would listen in to the voicemails she leaves him on his phone. If its not her it’s other girls I’m finding out about but he assures me that it’s nothing and that he loves me and my kids only! I dont always believe him but I want to have a family. I want him in the household with our kids ONLY! All my friends and family know us as a couple. He does not bring any outside kids around and most of them don’t know anything about that baby. He kept telling me that he was going to sign over his rights and get rid of them for good. I was very happy about that. So the day of court came and I asked him what happened. He said nothing. I asked if he signed over his rights he said no. I was furious because he promised he would! I decided to write the mother an emial telling her everything. I wanted that b!!@@ to know how I felt. I told her about the settlement money that he got from an accident. He didn’t tell her anything about it and
didn’t give her any money for her baby! It was thousands of dollars but he put money in my new house because he loves ME and doesn’t care about her or that baby. That’s because he does not want that baby but she don’t get it. He is never there for the baby on holidays and doesn’t spend any time with the baby. He is there for my kids becuase he wanted them and we planned the second baby while he was in jail. So I let her know he will be there for my new baby and my oldest child but not hers because they are unwanted. hahaha I let that lady have it!

Later on in my pregnancy I find out that he is still sleeping with her. He denies it but I don’t believe it. I want to have failh in him but it’s hard. Fast foward to after I had the second baby a few months ago. He wanted money to take care of some things but something told me to listen to his voicemail before giving him the money! She was on there going on and on about being pregnant. He wanted her to have an abortion which she should have done! Now she is expecting a baby but he said it’s not his. She mentioned something about some other girls being pregnant too. He said she is crazy and made that up. I have since heard rumors that he has a son that was born one week after my daughter by a different chick! I don’t know what to do at this point. I LOVE him with all my heart and have no plans to leave but I want him to be right for me and my kids. I do everything right as a girlfriend. I give him money knowing he wont pay it back, I buy cars he
likes to drive, got the house, pay all the bills, help him avoid paying that B@#*& child support, I’m always there for him. What more could he want?

I really want to know why can’t she and these other chicks just leave us alone and let us be a family? He does not want those other kids. He has told me many times he only wants the OUR kids together and he shows it!

Help!!

Loving my man and family!

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